Choosing Doxetaxel

I had my review with my oncologist this week. Nobody seemed massively enthusiastic about me re-starting capecitabine, after my near death experience with it. We’ve put it on hold for the moment, in the knowledge that it worked on the mets, but that we’d need to use it at a much lower dose – and even then there would be risks.

Instead I’m going on to docetaxel. The upside is I’ve had it before (neoadjuvant chemo way back at the start of all this) and it did the job. The downside is my venous access is stuffed by years of injections and infusions, and docetaxel is an intravenous drug. That means I’m going down to Exeter on Thursday to have a line put in. It’s not ideal, but what is? There are no good choices here.

I’ve been thinking a lot about choosing. I’ve written about it here: https://thecureforsleep.com/the-cure-for-sleep-june/#SarahConnor on Tanya Shadrick’s wonderful Substack project. Even though all the choices are a bit rubbish I find it really helpful to remind myself that I am making choices. I’m making them based on information, on experience, on my hopes for the future, on the responsibilities I have as a partner and parent. They are complex decisions, but they are my decisions. I didn’t choose to be here, I don’t have a whole lot of control over some pretty big stuff, but I can have some agency here – even if it’s just to choose to enjoy this cup of coffee, or this view, or which book to download, or which shitty medication to take.

Oh, and if anyone has any tips on docetaxel, do let me know. The side effect list is the usual horror show.