My daughter is planning her wedding. And it hurts.

My daughter is planning her wedding.

Not seriously. She’s 12 and would much rather have a pony (“no”) than a boyfriend. Or a puppy (again, “no!”). But she has ideas about budget (££££££££££), colour schemes, dresses, bridesmaids…

And then she smiles at me and says “And you’ll be there, at the top table”. And I smile back. And I wonder.

This is how it is. Right here, right now, things are great. I’m well. I’m looking pretty good, actually, thanks to all the training I’m doing for the bike ride of doom. The kids are great. Rainbow is bright and beautiful,, funny, interesting. Lurtz is great. Still running instead of walking, just for the fun of it. I’m fine when I can keep things in the here and now.

I know Husband would like to do a big long haul trip. I find it really hard to even think about the kind of planning that would take. I don’t want to look too far ahead because I’m scared of what I might see.

I want to be there when she gets married. I want to sit at the top table. I want to wear a fancy hat, cry my eyes out, embarrass my beautiful daughter. And if I’m lucky, and the medication keeps working, that’s where I’ll be. And I will embarrass the he’ll out of her. But let’s not think about it too much. Let’s not think about how it will be if I’m not lucky. Let’s just be grateful for right here, right now.

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About sarahsouthwest

I'm now in my early 50s. I started writing again as a way of exploring the world, and feel that over the last 2 years I have really grown as a writer. By day I work with children and young people with mental health difficulties. I juggle my own two children, my work, my writing practice, generally managing to keep all the balls up in the air.
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